blurring of roles - 9/18/00

got out of dodge city this weekend, went to see my lover, awkward to associate that word with me, but yep, went to see him at a party held at the residence along with the others who have gone mad on drugs and are now sober and asking for money for the organization and for cigarettes on the side. they sidle up to you and warm you up with flattering chitchat, being the professional con men they are, that they had to be to survive on nothing but kraft dinner, spare me a dime. discordant ramblings mixed in with singing along to missing verses coming out the roland and it is all grand, she is in the basement showing them how to contact dance, how weird they say, and laugh and laugh and you can see that really they need to be touched and yet you cant they've gotten sober and their hormones have been given rebirth so you stand at a distance and touch with your words and your smiles and sidelong comments, and praise the corn that overflows the table, bob, bob BOB, what are you doing, man? come back, i didnt mean what i said, come here and give me a hug man, it's all right, and the people sit in a small room clapping for charity trying not to look so righteously sympathetic, i am here and you are there, yet it could so easily be the other way around, it is all a toss of a dime, head or tails?